Julie Would Have Been 41 Today-Forever 9

It is so hard for me to imagine Julie at 41. I guess because the last time I seen her she was 9. That is what she will stay at. She was a very shy child. Her teachers loved her. After she died several teachers wrote me and told me how much they loved Julie. One teacher Cheryl Crowe died a few years after Julie. She wrote me a letter telling me how Julie would come talk to her and she was such a sweet girl.

I didn't get to spend the last few days of Julie's life with her. That is because her brother Dustin was sick with the croup and he was under an oxygen tent at the hospital for three days. He would only stay under the  tent if I did too. He was only 3 years old. I was three months pregnant and sick a lot and then to spend 3 days at the hospital with him I was pretty tired.

We got home late in the afternoon of the 29th of December. I was tired so I lay down early. I vaguely remember Julie coming into my room telling me the other kids wouldn't let her watch what she wanted too on TV. I told them to let her watch the program she wanted too. I don't even remember now what it was. I am just so glad she got to see whatever it was she wanted to see.

If you knew something bad was going to happen to one of your kids you would pay lots more attention to them. I had seven kids and pregnant and tired so no I really didn't that night. The next morning I woke up to Dustin telling me the house was on fire. He was only 3 but he was the only one awake. He was watching TV in a living room that was full of smoke. The sofa was blazing. When he woke me smoke was thick halfway down from the ceiling. It had not reached my bed yet.

I jumped up and got the kids awake. Julie was upstairs and we couldn't get her down. I will not go into detail about all of that. Just the firemen came and they couldn't get to her.

Losing a child is one of the worst things that can ever happen to you. It has been 31 years and I think of it and tears run down my face. That is something you never get over. I have went to therapy and it helped some. Now I am in a group called Grieving Mothers From Around the World and it is for people that have lost a child at any age . It helps to talk about it with other people that know what you are going through. Until you have walked in my shoes you have no idea....