Tomorrow is That dreaded Day, December 30th.

Tomorrow is that dreaded day I dread all year long. You say why? It is right after Christmas and before New Years Day. Nothing too bad about that. But it is for me.

This is the day in 1978 when my sister died of colon cancer. I think she was just hanging on trying to make it until Christmas. The day after Christmas she went into the hospital and went into a coma shortly after. She died a few days later on the 30th. She was one of the nicest sweetest people I have ever seen.

Five years to the  day my daughter Julie died. She was nine years old. We had a house fire in Sweetwater and all of us got out except her. She was upstairs and there was just no way to get down. The firemen tried to save her. There was just nothing anyone could do. To lose a house with all your possessions is bad but to lose a daughter too is just such a tragedy.

It has been 36 years since my sister left this world and 31 since my daughter left. That is a very long time but still every time I think about it tears get in my eyes. I have talked about it. I have went to therapy over it. I think it has helped but to lose a child is something you will never get over.

I feel like I have went thru the very worst thing that can ever happen to a person. To lose a child is the very worst. Your life is never the same again. With time it gets better but you can never get over it.

I bought a elf on a shelf this year and gave it to Jana's kids. I named her Julie Lynn after both my girls that have died. Paula Lynn  was only 3 days old. Julie Christine was 9 years old. One of these days I know we will meet again. I am not ready to leave here yet because I still got to write that book. But when my time comes I know I will have some people to meet me at those pearly gates. My girls, my Mom and dad, two sets of grandparents, three nephews and my sister. That will be quite a reunion.

But first of all I still got to get thru tomorrow. Bad, bad day.

Christmas is Over, New Years Will Soon Be Here

Well we made it thru Christmas. It wasn't the same this year. I didn't get a lot of things done this year that I usually do. Such as I usually send lots of cards. I sent a few but not as many as I usually do. I have pen pals that I have written too for years and usually I send all of them a card. I did send some though like I said. Usually I make my entry way closet door a place for my cards. I put wrapping paper and a big bow in the middle and put my cards. Not this year.

One reason I didn't get to everything was I was still getting over the laser surgery I had I guess. It took  along time to get over even though I got out of the hospital after a few hours. Recovering was a month longer. But I was so happy at Christmas all of that is behind me.

My son Allen made my Christmas a lot better. First of all he sent me $500 to help out on Christmas. I got me a mani and pedi to make myself feel better. I got a Jewelry Armoire since my son John broke off the legs moving it back here from Sweetwater. Later Allen sent me $200 more to help a few people I knew who wasn't going to have a very good Christmas. My next door neighbor wasn't going too and she has a 15 year old daughter. I made them baskets of all kinds of stuff in it with gift cards. Then my daughter Jana knew two small children who wasn't going to have a very good Christmas so we bought for them. Allen does the angel tree every year so he said they would be his angel this year.

Guy and I had went our separate ways too for awhile. I was just so sick when I was in Sweetwater and on meds and was sleeping day and night. I just wanted to come back to my home here in Fort Worth and I am very happy here right now. Around family a lot. Guy and I are trying to work things out. So far it is great.

Wondering if I should take the tree down tomorrow or if it is better luck to keep it up until the new year. I want 2015 to be a better year than it was this year. I have new year resolutions to make. And I plan on eating cabbage and black eye peas with corn bread. How about you?

I love Christmas Movies

I been watching a bunch of Christmas movies. This year for the first time ever I watched "Its a Wonderful Life" with Guy.  It was a good movie. I didn't cry like he did though. And he has watched it before. He even cried watching "The Holiday". I love that movie but I didn't cry.

It was nice having Guy here to watch movies with me. Lots better than watching them alone. Now he is gone though and I got to watch them alone again. I will survive because I am a survivor. I really think I was meant to live alone too.

My Mom once told me she thought I was meant to be alone. She said I was way too independent to share my life with a man. I guess she was right. I been married three times and had a few long term relationships. I have often wondered how people stay with the same person for years. I only made it 7 years with each marriage. Guys just get on my nerves!

It does get lonely being alone so much though. What is one to do  if you cant get along with guys? Maybe a roommate? I always thought I wanted to be like the Golden Girls. I know it would be hard to find someone you can get along with. Living day in and day out with someone is hard whether it be  a room mate or a spouse. So I guess I will continue what I am doing. Watching Christmas movies alone. And liking it.
 

It's Certainly Looking a Lot Like Christmas

I love this time of the year. I love what it stands for and I love buying presents and I love getting presents. I love seeing people out doing things and being happy. Every once in a while you will see a Scrooge but not too often.

I love watching Christmas movies on Lifetime or Hallmark. But I do think right after Halloween is little bit too soon. Tonight I am watching " A Christmas Carol." I have never seen "It's a Wonderful Life" all the way thru.

I had a really good surprise this year. My son sent me money to help out on my Christmas buying. That was so very nice of him. I have twenty one grandkids and seven kids so that is hard sometimes. I am getting me a mani and pedi tomorrow with part of that. That always makes you feel better.

Four of my grandkids helped me decorate the tree today. I have done it so many years I don't really get excited doing it anymore. But they love to do it. Just like wrapping presents. I hate doing that anymore too. You got to do it though.

Jana and I went to Walgreens and Wal Mart tonight. The closer to Christmas it gets the further away you have to park at Wal Mart. I hate that. My foot is still giving me pain when I walk a lot. I wish just one year I could get thru early but that never happens. I am usually there that last day on Christmas eve still trying to find a present. Then home to wrap them.

We usually open one or two presents on Christmas eve and then the rest the next morning. When I was a child we opened all our presents on Christmas eve. I kind of like it better just opening a few and waiting until the next day to open the rest.

I am still a kid at heart when it comes to Christmas. I can hardly wait.......

Tomorrow Another XRay

I have had so many X Rays lately. I used to never have any.  Soon as you get that medicare card the doctors seem to find all kinds of things wrong with you. Is it all really wrong or do they just like to take tests?

Anyway after the CT Scan I had a lung X Ray before surgery. Then later have had two KUB's. Will have another one in a month. Tomorrow I will have one on my foot. Hope that is all for awhile.

I got to get this foot working right because I got a lot of shopping to do before Christmas. Everyone knows I am a shopper. Now ever time I shop for a few hours I pay for it for days. My ankle swells and I am limping. I don't know what happened to it. It started in the summer. Swelling and hurting.

You never really notice how many steps you take a day until your foot hurts every time you walk. I had eight tubs of Christmas decorations in the attic. My daughter Jana had to bring them down for me. Trying to find  a place for all of that has been hard limping from room to room.

It is so much fun to look and see what you bought last year after Christmas though. I have always done that. A real shopper loves a bargain. 90% off is exciting. I know this year I don't have to buy any bags, wrapping paper, bows or tags. I got plenty of all of that. All I need is presents.

So we are taking care of that foot tomorrow. I hope I don't have to wear one of those ugly boots. I will if I have too though. I got to be able to shop for all those grandkids. Of course some of it I can do online if I choose to do so. Life is so much easier these days....

Getting Back to Normal- What is Normal?

What is normal? I am not sure but it is not what I have felt in the last month. That night I couldn't sit down because I hurt so bad and kept walking the floor was the start of my misery.
I had not a clue that night what I was in for. I did go to hospital in Sweetwater and after a Ct Scan they knew I had a marble size kidney stone. They sent me home with pain pills.

Next day I called the urologist in Abilene and got an appointment for next day. Seen that doctor and they set my laser surgery for two days later. So back home we went and we waited those two days. I had mixed feelings. I had never had a surgery in my 69 years. With my Mitral Valve Prolapse I was scared to be put to sleep. But I left it up to God to see me thru this.

Day of surgery I thought it would all be done. Two hours after surgery I went home. That night I had bladder spasms which were horrible. The next day I found out just what stents meant. Painful ever time you go to bathroom. Not even the pain pill could make that pain go away. The more you stand the more you have to go. Doctor said to go back to work in three days. No way could that have happened.

I had the stent for 27 days. I lost ten lbs. When I went to get it out they said to keep it in for two and a half weeks. Still had chunks of stones. My gosh how could I stand that much longer with that stent? Finally I decided I was coming back to Fort Worth and see a urologist here. Thank God I did.

Last Tuesday I went to Dr. Moore here. He done an X Ray and my stones were all gone. Yay! I was so relived. So he took out the stent. Talk about pain. But he pulled it out. 18 inches long and no numbing.

I had no pain after that. Just soreness and bleeding. Next day though all of a sudden I had nausea day and night. I couldn't sleep at night. Runny nose and sneezing. Called my doctor and she said it was all from the trauma to my body.

Today it has been a week and still got the nausea. Hoping it goes away soon. It is getting better by the day. I will be so glad to get back to normal. But tomorrow I got to get papers to get my foot X Rayed, It has been giving me trouble every time I walk a lot. That messes up my shopping....I am falling apart at 69.