Paula Lynn Carter- Two days old

Today is the day that my daughter, Paula Lynn died fifty years ago. She lived for two days. She weighed three lbs. Back in those days in 1965 premature babies did not live lots of times. In this day they can fix all of that. The doctor said her lungs kept collapsing and he kept trying to fix it but to no avail. He said her lungs and heart were not fully developed . If she had lived there would have been lots of problems. So she is forever 2 days old.

I had been visiting my Mom and Dad in Sweetwater. Paul and I lived in Brownwood at the time. I had to take a bus back to Brownwood. After I got back to Brownwood that night I started having labor pains. I thought they were false ones. But they were getting worse by the minute. We went to the hospital and they sent us home two different times. By that next night they had really intensified. Around 10 pm I  told Paul we had to go back. I had been in labor for 24 hours. We went. The doctor examined me and told me to go back home and rest. We were in the elevator going down and I felt all this bearing down pain. I told Paul he needed to get me back where we were. We went back to the labor room.. They took me to delivery and Paula was born right after 12:00 midnight. Nothing for pain. They put a wash rag over my face where I could not see.

Next morning I thought everything was fine. They didn't bring her in but I thought that was because she was so small. They didn't really tell me anything. Back in that time you had to stay in hospital three or four days. That next morning they came in and told me Paula did not make it. The doctor said he kept blowing air in her lungs but they kept collapsing. I never seen her until the funeral.

We picked out a little pink casket for her . My Mom came for the funeral and she told me I should have the casket closed. She said looking at her might make me start hemmoraging. An old wife's tale I suppose. But no way would I have not looked at her.

I have always wondered why some people have to lose a child and some people never go thru that. It is the worse thing that can ever happen to you in a lifetime. It has happened to me twice. If someone never has to go thru that pain they are lucky. Because once you do your life will never be the same again. There will always be something missing.

I didn't write this for anyone to feel my pain. I wrote this because I don't want to ever forget my daughter. I will always remember her although I cant remember what she looked like. I know she would have been a beautiful girl. All my girls are.

I found a group on facebook that helps me deal with the loss of my two girls. It is called Grieving Mothers From Around the World. The lady Gina on there is one of the nicest ladies I have ever met. If you have lost a child get on that group. You wont regret it.